A random incident that happened recently during a morning jog brought back some” interesting” teenage memories. You will know why I refer to them as interesting in a bit. Now to the incident. Those who have read my blogs in the past might recall my fascination with sunrises and sunsets. On this eventful morning, luck was on my side as I spotted the disappearing sunrise over a storeyed building. I stopped and climbed on a mound next to the road to have a better view and take a picture. It was in that stillness that I heard someone broadcasting over a megaphone from a distance.
The message caught my attention. The broadcaster was talking about people who are taking advantage of children sexually especially girls during this period of an extended stay at home. “Most of you have children, both boys, and girls but I will focus on girls today, the shameless men that are waylaying them by roadsides or luring them to have sex in exchange for small gifts, imagine that was happening to your daughter,” he said.
This message was profound because working in the children’s/youth space especially the vulnerable ones, I have a better understanding of challenges affecting them especially in the current environment of COVID19. Violence against children/youth in all forms is at its highest and this is where sexual abuse falls. This raises questions, where have we gone wrong as a society, is today’s parenting efficient, are children being sheltered enough, do they have information that will help them make better decisions about their lives and so many questions.
As a teenager, I had no idea of what the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” meant but I do as an adult and reflecting on several incidents that happened during those curious teen years, it was because of that “village”/ community that I am the person you know today and able to share such stories with you.
The teenage love affair
I grew up in a small village/town in western Uganda where everyone knew each other. People knew which child belonged to which family and all that (they still do). This was very problematic for a teenager with raging hormones, a curiosity to explore, and a desire for freedom. I was in a single-sex secondary school and whenever we went home for the holidays, I thought that would be time for me to be free and create memories that we would trade amongst ourselves when school resumed. But how do you make memories with helicopter parents and in a small town where everyone seemed to mind everyone’s businesses but their own. What do I mean by this? If between walking from home in the trading centre to the village where the farms and gardens are, I met someone and stopped to chat, somehow that news would get home before I did, and the reporting was always biased to if this person happened to be a boy. Because of the fear of how my parents would react, interactions with the opposite sex were minimal until…….
Enter Boy X! X was a handsome young man, a few classes ahead of me and he went to Ntare School, I was in Bweranyangi Girls. There was a pairing of boys and girl schools and Ntare was our match so to find out that X went to that school, I thought we were a match paired in school heaven. A few brief meetings happened, and this was usually on the route between my home and the village, letters were exchanged, and life was beautiful until one of the letters was discovered by my parents. Until then, I had been denying the reports my parents had been receiving about being spotted with boy X. I was given stern warnings to stay away from him. “That boy is a bad influence for you, he smokes, sometimes he is in the bar with us (another problem of small towns, everyone converges in the same place).” My dad had said. I didn’t care for the warnings and maybe his bad-boy behaviour was also part of his charm for the innocent and naïve me. Things came to a head one evening when my parents left me at our shop on one end of the town on their way to visit some friends and I had told them, I was closing and going home (on another end of the town). I closed the shop, went home, and after having dinner with my siblings we decided to hang on the verandah. X happened to pass by, and I went to chat a little and we had walked a few metres away from home when my parents returned, and they spotted me. I saw the car pass by and quickly ran back home to find my dad boiling with anger. They thought I had been hanging with X since the time they left the shop (for over 3 hours), and I received an earful of warnings and a hot slap that I remember to date. Somehow that teenage affair fizzled out and I feared boys for a long time because I didn’t want to land in trouble with my parents. Unfortunately, X‘s life didn’t turn out great, he dropped out of school among other things I don’t wish on anyone. I cannot help wondering how my life would have turned out had that affair not ended if “my village” hadn’t been keen on watching out for me.
Raising of Children/teenagers Today
Times have since changed, the concept of a “village” raising a child is out of date because today’s parents/caregivers are busier than ever, often leaving home in the wee hours of the morning and returning late in the night. In villages, this concept of being each other’s children’s keepers may still exist to an extent but it’s more alien in urban centers by nature of the setup, usually gated houses and people barely knowing their neighbors. What doesn’t this mean then? What’s the fate of the Ugandan/child or teenager? In my upbringing instilling fear seemed to do the trick but I do not think that’s the way to do things. Teenage love and relationships can thrive but only if the parties involved have enough information about life to navigate the affair without putting any one’s future in jeopardy. Plus, today, communication is a lot easier, and children/teenagers can afford to be sneakier and get away with a lot. Different parents/caregivers have varied parenting mechanisms, but I think the approach of having conversations with children from the time they can comprehend issues is the better approach. It’s important that children have enough information, that you make them your friends so that when things get confusing, they can always approach you and be assured of a safe space to talk through things and make better decisions for their lives.
In these confusing times of Covid19, being at home indefinitely has completely disrupted the lives and emotions of children and youths making them highly vulnerable. This means that they are highly susceptible to fall victim to people out to take advantage of them as they grapple with trying to make sense of everything happening around them. The perverts in the communities are many and some may even present as family members which complicate things further for children.
This piece is not to cause despair but to hopefully make us think about the aforementioned. It’s never too late to adopt practices such as being keepers of our neighbours’ children/youth whenever possible while at the same time ensuring that our own have a safe environment at home to thrive despite the challenging times.
Feel free to add your thoughts to this, and if any teenage memories come to mind, I would love to hear/read them.
Stay safe!
Hermusings 